Lucy Ricardo: I want the names to be unique and euphonious.
Ricky Ricardo: Okay. Unique if it's a boy, and Euphonious if it's a girl.
POLITICIANS
Politicians and Diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
POSTMAN
Postman: Main aapka packet dene ke liye 5 mile se aaya hu.
Santa: Itne door se kyo aaye, post hi kar dete!!
MOUTH SHUT
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed, It can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!!
HIGH JUMP
Santa: Pata hai, bachpan me mai Kutub Minar se gir gya tha.
Banta: Tu bach ga tha ya mr gya tha?
Santa: Yaad nahi aa rha.. Bahut purani baat ho gyi hai.
MAN: THE MASTER OF WOMEN
Prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called 'Man: The master of women?'
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the 1st floor.
OLD AGE
Regular naps prevent old age.. espesially if you take them while driving.
WOODEN LEG
My friend said that he know a man with a wooden leg named John. So I asked him what was the name of his other leg.
DISK SPACE
A secretary had just completed a memo and was having problems saving it. "Do you have enough space?" asked the local computer expert.
"Oh sure," she replied. "I've got a message that says 'Disk space OK.'"
The computer expert looked over her shoulder, and sure enough there was the message:
Disk space: OK.
Then he deleted some files and the message read "Disk space: 4K." After a few more deletions the message read "Disk space: 32K," and she was able to save her memo.
ZIPPER
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.Politicians and Diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
POSTMAN
Postman: Main aapka packet dene ke liye 5 mile se aaya hu.
Santa: Itne door se kyo aaye, post hi kar dete!!
MOUTH SHUT
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed, It can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!!
HIGH JUMP
Santa: Pata hai, bachpan me mai Kutub Minar se gir gya tha.
Banta: Tu bach ga tha ya mr gya tha?
Santa: Yaad nahi aa rha.. Bahut purani baat ho gyi hai.
MAN: THE MASTER OF WOMEN
Prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called 'Man: The master of women?'
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the 1st floor.
OLD AGE
Regular naps prevent old age.. espesially if you take them while driving.
WOODEN LEG
My friend said that he know a man with a wooden leg named John. So I asked him what was the name of his other leg.
DISK SPACE
A secretary had just completed a memo and was having problems saving it. "Do you have enough space?" asked the local computer expert.
"Oh sure," she replied. "I've got a message that says 'Disk space OK.'"
The computer expert looked over her shoulder, and sure enough there was the message:
Disk space: OK.
Then he deleted some files and the message read "Disk space: 4K." After a few more deletions the message read "Disk space: 32K," and she was able to save her memo.
ZIPPER
NURSE
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the doctor."
MAN'S 3 WISHES
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, "I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
BILL GATES- HELL OR HEAVEN
Bill Gates Bill Gates met God, and God said, "Well, Bill, I am really confused on this one. I am not sure whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I am going to do something I 've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill Gates said, "What's the difference between the two?" God said, "It might help you decide if you took a peek at both places. Shall we look at Hell first?" Bill was amazed. He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. "This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven." God said, "Let's go!" and off they went to Heaven. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would prefer to go to Hell." "As you wish," said God. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being tortured by demons with pitchforks. "How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?" "Oh, that," said God. "That was the screen saver."
THE LAWYER
Why was the lawyer studying the Bible right before he died?
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He was looking for loopholes!
